Confronting Pregnancy, Rebecca Urbanski

I am sorry to burst some bubbles but not all woman revel in the glow of pregnancy. Not all women feel like life-bearing goddesses, perfectly at one with their inner divine. Not all of us want to wear flower crowns and do lace-dressed poses for maternity shoots. 

In my experience, pregnancy is something that is endured rather than enjoyed.

I notice that when I share these “naughty, no no” feelings, people tend to tilt their heads to the side, wide-eyed, faces creased in shock and concern and I am left feeling like a social defect.

Everyone has a wonderful piece of advice or comment to make, as if being pregnant is something to be problem solved. Well it’s not and I am not. Let’s be clear, if we pregnant women want your advice we will ask for it. You are right, I am looking a little huge, there is a baby inside me and I have water retention. Anything else?

I don’t understand why women who don’t enjoy pregnancy or aren’t endlessly grateful for being fertile and blessed with the miracle of life, must be bad bad women. Bad women, soon to be bad mothers. DOM DOM DOM. If we don’t love every second of this physical take over, we must not be in touch with the miraculous phenomenon unfolding inside of us.

We are all unique, all individuals, all different. The same rules apply to pregnancy. Some will love every second of it and glow in the beauty of their perfectly round bellies. For others like myself, its different. I swelled up like a blow fish. I was ripped open emotionally and almost always physically uncomfortable. I felt so dreadful for so long that I once begged my husband for mercy and delivery of a quick death. 

Let me pause here and just say that without my husband, I would never have made it through this process. Our men are significant. Let's empower them through our vulnerability; let them hold and protect us. They deserve to be honoured, just as much as we do during this 9 months of transformation. 

Being pregnant can be hard, raw and brutally honest. It can also be soft, gentle and uplifting. Like life, it has the possibility of duality.

Nothing of my experience diminishes the joy I felt when I found out I was pregnant. Nor does it reflect how I pine to meet my daughter, day dreaming of how she will smell and feel in my arms. None of this lessens my openness and readiness to be a mother. 

Life is full of life, too big and varied for “that’s wrong” and “this is right”. I wish for us to be fearless in speaking our truths openly, so that our daughters and sons will learn to do the same.

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